Adventures of the Inner and Outer Realms: Part 1

In less than a month I will be starting an adventure that I am craving for on a deep soul level. I am leaving my job, traveling around the country for a couple months, and then attending a two month spiritual retreat in Austria. I am not sure where or when my adventure will end... we will just have to see! My two big plans are to have the intent for more spiritual and psychological growth, and to eventually find a home. Here are my intentions for the adventure:

  • Getting out of my comfort zone: I have been so comfortable in the last two years; too comfortable to the point of feeling numb at times. I have been paid well at work and can't say that I have lacked anything I needed or even wanted. Of course that is a good thing and I recognize that I have been very privileged, but I want more out of life and challenge helps me to feel alive and inspired again. My whole life has been within a comfort zone of "knowns" involving work and school. I have never stepped outside of certain socially sanctioned ways of living, and I want to see what is beyond that. I am not here to be comfortable; I always want to be on my growing edge in this lifetime.

  • Testing my strength/facing fears: I feel I would regret it if I lived my life too comfortably without being bold and facing big fears. Taking this adventure is a way of facing my fear of the unknown, and my fear of all that can happen in the unknown. I feel that I will be challenged to recognize how limiting the fears of my mind are to the fulfillment of my life's expression.

  • Stepping out of the hustle and bustle of life and connecting with greater peace and silence: The pace and rhythm of daily life when you are working is often rushed and frenetic. I have worked without gaps in my employment for my entire adult life, and to be honest I am tired on a soul level. Tired of having to keep up with a capitalist rhythm that feels unnatural to my body and spirit, and having to constantly pretend that I am OK with the pace. I need some time to disconnect from the fast-paced matrix and heal my nervous system. Connecting with silence is a way I connect with God, because it is in silence that I hear God's voice within me and recognize the love in all of creation. I have a feeling that my adventure will involve some stays in monasteries in addition to my retreat.

  • Fostering greater independence and self-reliance: Confession time: there is a part of me that has always wanted to be saved by something or someone, especially by relationships. I have even been a bad feminist with fantasies of being a 1950's housewife, because then I wouldn't have to worry about figuring out life and working so hard. Of course that is not really want I want on a deeper level, but the point is that it is easy for me to try to hide from building up my independence and self-reliance. Funnily enough the universe seems to have conspired against my housewife dreams and has forced me to be alone quite a bit in this life, to the point where I have started to quite enjoy it and now I am working with it rather than against it.

  • Greater trust and faith in God/the universe/the Divine: A few years ago I read Autobiography of a Yogi, and in it Yogananda decides to go to town one day with no other currency than faith and trust in the Divine to get him there and to get him back home. If you haven't read it, spoiler alert! Not only does he get to town and back without any money, but kind strangers insist that he does it in the lap of luxury. I will be starting my adventure with significantly more money, but I want to learn to trust that things can work out in other ways too. I have spent most of my life believing that everything needs to be planned so you can feel certain and safe things will be OK, but this has come to feel like a fear cage. I feel that having to have faith when faced with unknowns will deepen my connection with the Divine and start to heal my fears. The Divine will be my navigator and traveling partner :).

  • Becoming more intimate with nature: While I have mostly been drawn to transcendent versions of spirituality, I also feel called towards the earthy spirituality of vision fasts and soulful connection with nature. During my time living in the mountains of North Carolina I have come to recognize the deep healing and friendship offered by the natural world around me. Nature has become a spiritual teacher and healer for me. As with any good teacher I resonate with, I want to follow its guidance and listen to what it has to say to me by spending extended time in its presence.

  • Connecting with who I really am underneath it all: Like everyone else, I have had to play so many roles to survive and thrive in this world. Roles that have become so over-performed that you sometimes wonder who you are underneath them. I am just going to take this time to let go of it all and be no one. Which brings me to the next point below.

  • Allowing a new, more authentic life to emerge from a blank slate: I feel I need to let go of all the old noise to really start to listen to my inner guidance. After getting more intimate with myself and more deeply aligning with the guidance of my soul, my goal is to create my own therapy business. When I start serving people again, I would like to it to come from a deeper realization and truth within myself.

  • Finding home: I would like to find the right place to call home in the end, which will be the beginning of my new life :). I have never truly felt at home anywhere yet. This might be because I don't feel fully at home in myself yet either. I intend to really listen to my intuition about where and what feels right, and not compromise that for any practical reasons. I intend to cultivate an inner home, and find the outer reflection that best supports the inner.

Thank you for reading this, and stay tuned for the adventure!

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